Introducing...BLART & HIS SON ABORT!!! By Skinner X Coma21

This incredible bootleg is from...another dimension!! Yeah! You heard me right! I GOT†THIS TOY FROM†ANOTHER FREAKIN DIMENSION! How did that happen you ask? Gather round and I'll tell you the tale!†

It all started the other day when I was hiking around this enchanted forest with Kristie. We were looking around to find some cool stuff we could make some cool, earthy scvulptures for our garden. You ever seen like a cool wine barrel with a trippy little handmade waterfall in it, maybe some cool driftwood and plants hangin from it and it makes you think you could totally make one yourself if you went on a hike with Kristie to find stuff in the forest to make your own wine barrel waterfall thing? Well then you understand why I was out there! I planned to impress her by being a cool hippie guy and make some wine barrel waterfalls! So anyway, we were out there hiking around looking for stuff when all of a sudden I saw this strange, shimmery light on the trail in front of us! It turned out to be a fucking crazy-ass hole in the space time continuum!! "Trip out!" I yelled as I veered toward the strange light. Kristie yelled back at me,"Babe! Get the hell away from that dimensional gateway! You'll hurt youself!" But it was too late, I had already started walking towards the strange doorway and when I got closer I could see another weird reality reveal itself throught the door! My mind was completely blown as I saw what appeared to be, some kind of nether world flea market! It was full of mutants and bizarre misshapen humanoids shuffling around and making flea market deals in a united cocaphony of sounds and deformed voices! A hellish flea market full of poverty stricken demons and blue collar trolls! I yelled out, "HEY KRISTIE!!†THERE'S†SOME†COOL MUTANTS†OVER†HERE! COME CHECK 'EM OUT!" Kristie ran over just in time to see a strange little imp-man with a bent back and some shaggy rag clothes peering through the gateway door at me! He looked at me and we locked eyes! I felt frozen in time as he shambled towards me from the other side. I watched in my paralyzed state as he came closer, stopping just before the shimmering door between our two worlds. I watched him reach one of his straggly little arms behind his bent back and produce an ugly little toy! He passed the strange figure through through the dimensional door and into my hands. I looked down and in my hand was this BLART†SIMPSON! I asked him, "What in god's name is this wretched horror," to which he croaked, "Blart is number one top TV boy on cartoon screen! Eat more shorts he say always and more about the cow and always Blart does drive Home-dad so lunacy! Always shake a neck! Bootleg Blart 5 of MoxIco world. I buy and you give me weed from Earth town." Wow! I thought! This dude must be drunk on some netherworld moon shine!! I made a mental note to get me some of that, but in the meantime I think he just asked me to trade him some weed for some Blart toys! I started to think...Man, I could sell these bootleg netherworld Bart Simpson toys to some toy dudes who like to collect these freakish kinds of things! I mean, if they like to collect earthy toys, then toys from some other world has gotta be cool too, right? So basically, instead of being a total sheister with these toys and keeping them all for myself, I am going to sell them to you guys for only a $100 a pop, because I need the money to buy some wine barrels for my trippy waterfall project, OK!!!? You guys didn't forget about that part of the story, did you? So anyways, as we started back from the old bent man and his strange mutant flea market we noticed the shimmery door start to fade away. We plan to go back soon, but I don't know if the shimmery door will ever manifest again...

Blart Simpson goes on sale FRIDAY, FEBRUARY at NOON! Here on my webstore!!
All Content © 2020 The Art of Skinner
Site lovingly crafted by Rocket Society